you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
