Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
