That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
