Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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