I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Randomize
