If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
