Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
