I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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