so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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