Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
