Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
