I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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