Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
