Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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