I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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