its not stalking. its research.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
