Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
