So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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