Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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