i will never coherently bang her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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