i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
