Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
