I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
