i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
