I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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