who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
