"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
