I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
