If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
