now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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