I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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