I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He did a backflip because drugs
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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