i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
