You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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