my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
