were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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