it's not cheating when I paid for it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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