Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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