Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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