I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
