I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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