My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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