Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
