but the lizard people decide everything anyway
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pants are for mortals
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
