that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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