I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
