one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
