so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
