i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
