The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
